The Reid Gambit is an attempt at short-to-medium term success at the expense of long-term failure.

Therefore deliberately losing a round of liar’s finger, while still transparently cheating to enable a victory at the game, is a Reid’s gambit, in that it does indeed win the game but ensures this is the last game played by the “Reid”.  Punishment is sometimes extended to death by benzedrene.

Not this Reid you loser!

Sing a song of an acceptable metric monetary unit, a pocket full of rye,
Four and twenty blackbirds baked in a pie.
When the pie was opened the birds that had actually survived for the 45 minutes in the oven
Soon died and we had to call the RSPB

The king was in his counting house counting out his money,
The queen was in the bath
The maid was in the garden hanging out the clothes,
When it started to rain, so she had to bring em back in and instead she made herself a cup of tea and sat down for a good 10 minutes.

Very Deep Motivation

Sometimes you just have to jump in. A lot of people have irrational fears of going for it. So imagine, next time you have to go in at the deep end, that you can do it without fear.

The trick is to trick your brain. Imagine that the water isn’t deep. Imagine that it’s nice and warm. Imagine that you are going to look heroic. Imagine that you cannot fail.

Failing that, focus on the image to the left, guaranteed to work for approximately half the population. Because of course if she can do it, so can you.

Mary, Mary, quite contrary,
How does your garden grow?
With uranium deposits, and unexploded WWII shells,
And pretty corpses all in a row

Your name’s not on the list so you’re not coming in.

So you can just fuck off.

OK? Verstehen?

He's a Hothead

We’ve had a lot of punters (well… about three) arrive here interested in science. Some of them have been trying to get their heads around quantum mechanics and the effects of general relativity.

Sadly thinking too hard can have deleterious effects. Oftentimes lobotomies may be required, sometimes a simple hair transplant may be sufficient.

Other testimonies of random surfers have included being shocked by the sheer scale of awesome to be found here. If we posted lolcats as well, there could be consequences on the scale of an epidemic (on a sparsely populated island).

A word of warning to you out there. Read with caution, and don’t try too hard to get your head around it. We do not condone too much thinking, and especially not the pyrotechnic thinking that can cause spontaneous capillary combustion or other less grave side effects including hotheadedness and / or general feverishness.

Whenever O'Clock

Sometimes, you just can’t be bothered. In Britain, this condition is more commonly known by the soubriquet “can’t be arsed”.

You’re not aware of the time. You’ve got things to do, but your mind wanders and the passage of time fades in and out.

Ironically these are probably the times when you could be the most productive. You have no constraint of an ankle-biter or spouse nag attack. You could write that novel you have in you. But, you can’t be bothered.

The workplace is often somewhere you can get infected with not being arsed. Public servants have raised it to an art form. Repetition in daily tasks, people who don’t know what they need and ask the wrong question but hope to get the right answer, and ever changing rules to make the plebs abide by are symptoms of a greater malaise that is endemic especially in this day and age of technobabble, information overload and friends who mostly aren’t funny on Facebook.

So get up and go and have a cup of tea.

Here's 50p

Unless you follow the Muslim calendar, or the Chinese calendar, or the Julian calendar, or perhaps if you’re stuck in the 18th century*, it’s now a New Year.

What is good, in fact it has been good since 2000, is that roman numerals often used in film credits and on clocks are simpler. 1998 was MCMXCVIII but 2000 MM. It’s all been just four letters or less since then. 1938 was particularly bad at MCMXXXVIII. Don’t even talk to me about 1888 (MDCCCLXXXVIII).

So have (according to provision of first paragraph) a great em-em-exy time and remember to come back for prime lobotoblogness as frequently as your schedule will allow.

* Of course until the mid 18th century the new year started in March. In England. Really.

A Nice Cup of Char

There is nothing like a nice cup of tea.

The police knock on the door at three a.m., bring news of a terrible tragedy in your family. “I’ll put the kettle on then” says Gran. Everything returns to a normal routine, and you sup your tea slowly knowing that when it’s finished, you’ll be back to the horrible news.

You get home, you’re tired, you’ve got shitloads of work to do. Stick the kettle on, get the teapot warm, get the milk (fresh, of course… none of that UHT malarky) and sit down with your computer.

A cup of tea, a slice of cake. Even better. Tea makes bad cake edible. Dry cake can be washed down with fine tea.

Make sure you let it brew long enough. Make sure you don’t put too much milk in it (usually etiquette suggests you should in fact put the milk first, but rules are made to be broken). Make sure you switch the kettle on first, while you get the other stuff together. CUP OF TEA!

He’s back again this week with yet another challenge. Many would argue that this one is too obvious, that surely  its a give-away, that surely its an Advocaatanalism. If you can find Dick then you can make your own mind up on that one.

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